If you have a child after a miscarriage or loss of another child, that child is referred to as a rainbow baby.
Before I had Candice, I had five miscarriages—one of them being a set of twins. At Candice’s first birthday, we chose to have a heart and rainbow theme to represent her heart condition and her being my rainbow baby.
When things go wrong, many people like to use the phrase, “When it rains, it pours.” This always made me think, but probably not in the way they intended it to. What I realized was that, when you have a child with special needs, your entire life can feel like a rainstorm. Sometimes, it’s just drizzling. Other days, it can be a complete inescapable hurricane. I have always loved the rain—maybe that’s why I was always able to find joy even through the hard times.
Then, on January 23, 2016, I lost my rainbow. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I cry every day for her. Grief can hit you like a storm. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. I can be sitting at work, having lunch and just breakdown. Or, I can be in a business meeting and just have tears rolling down my face.
I’ve decided to start a business in honor of my Candie Pie. I’ll be making hospital gowns for other children like the ones I made for her. I have a feeling Candice loves the idea, because so many doors have opened so effortlessly for me—and I know it’s her who is making things happens. Things are moving so fast all because she is watching over me. She has truly become my Rainbow Baby.